It happens this way …
Sometimes levity is the best reaction to today’s news. Here’s the lightest of light verse.
Ode to Toilet Paper
Oh, what enticing names:
Angel Soft, Charmin, Cottonelle,
Green Forest, Quilted Northern,
Scott, Kirkland Signature.
Oh, how comforting:
the feel of softly embossed
flowers and leaves during
my body’s private activities.
Two of your layers clean
more smoothly than paper towels
or the napkins I swiped
from now-closed restaurants.
But, oh, modern necessity,
how you’ve been abused.
Hoarders crushed you
into SUVs weeks ago,
rendering you as rare as
a sunny winter day in Oregon,
a prayer on an atheist’s lips,
the truth on any brand of media.
Let me assure –
in the spirit of economy –
I count out your sheets:
four for #1, nine for #2.
If my calculations are right,
we’ll ride this challenge out,
comforted by more absorbency
with much less use.